I wish the hospital or atleast the neo-natologist gave me a Dos & Don’t list for visitors and well-wishers, both in English and Hindi that I could stick outside my house, right next to the doorbell. That I could flash on my baby’s pram or stick on my backpack when venturing out with my little bundle of joy. But babies don’t come with a product manual, God just invented moms and forgot to write the baby manual. So here I am today, writing all those thing that made me mad, made me lose my sleep, made me so uncomfortable that I dreaded the next visit from that well-wisher.
I wish this list was a picture for easy re-enforcement, I wish the list included these, I wish they were warned at the doorbell with the disclaimer : Enter at your own risk!
DON’T SAY THESE
So-Thin or So-Chubby
One way or the other, this kinda stuff makes me uncomfortable. And I know those stats for God’s sake. Don’t make it worse for me, please.
So-Fair or So-Dark
SO what? It doesnot matter! Period. Fair skinned, good enough, dark skinned, good enough. It’s my baby and I love her the way she made it to my world. I love her to the moon and back.
So Much Body Hair
The term is Lanugo, those downy very thin soft hair are usually shed before birth but for some babies they are still present at birthtime. But the good news is that they will be gone within a few weeks. Didn’t you notice them when your own babies were born? Some insensitive well-wishers may even say, oh the boy doesn’t have much hair! How can a boy not have body hair? What kind of nonsense is that now! They all grow body hair within a few years.
This is the most upsetting remark for a new mom. Never, EVER, make a comment on a birth mark. Even if you say something positive, remember that you are finding a fault in the newborn child. Your one snide remark may make the new-mom lose endless nights of sleep. I am a victim of this, so I know.
Next one will be a BOY, don’t worry
I hated this. What gives someone the freedom to decide that I want or wanted a boy? Yes democracy but not in my house. This is NOT the time.
Like I said, I know the height-weight-head circumference stats chart by heart now .Wake me in the middle of the night and give me the quiz. I will surprise you with my precision ! So please don’t give me that advice unless you are my pediatrician.
Even Ear-size! Comeon Psst!
Seriously! Yes, people do! They comment on the ear size too! Such big years, OMG!
TOUCH & HYEGINE matters
Now coming to the most delicate part. Please avoid touching the baby if you are a first time visitor. You don’t know the new-mom yet. Yes, she may be your cousin, friend or niece-in-law but the mommy-bit was just born, only sometime back. She would appreciate if you could go by the cues. Say, if she offers the baby to you then pick her very very gently. Look for a hand sanitizer which maybe placed on the side of the baby’s cot. Once a cousin pulled out a hand sanitizer from her own handbag before touching my baby and I was really really impressed. How very thoughtful of her. She has definitely made a permanent entry into my good books.
Please do leave your shoes and chappals at the doorsteps. Make sure to generously use wet wipes when on the move along with the baby. At this age, baby’s immunity is not up so every little bit matters.
Being at home doensot mean available 24*7 They may be breastfeeding or just napping in between sessions. It would be nice to keep the visit short and stick to some visiting hours as laid out by the family and even nicer to carry a small present for the new mom. Could be something small like a fancy notebook or the latest magazine copy on the stands. A bunch of flowers always work.
I dread these and they were hurled at me in tonnes as a first time inexperienced mother. A mom of two once advised me to have the inside of the mango seed, it apparently makes the baby smarter! She claimed to have consumed those. I was wise enough to run it past my own mom and she rubbished the claim. How do you trust a gharelu nuska? A gharelu nuska is very welcomed by a mom like me, who is an absolute zero in this space. I am quite likely to try these if a trusted friend has suggested. A sincere request to pass on only those nuskas that “YOU”, no not your friend or even sister, have tried and found effective.
When it comes to advise, less is always more. That goes for any advice for that matter. So yes please don’t bring that along. Offer only when asked. Please enter the new-moms house only with good vibes and tonnes of blessing.
This article was first posted here